View this post on Instagram

 

Since Emily’s article has dropped I have been a wreck. Reading her words and the ways in which she described Jonathan instantly brought me to tears. I was in a state of panic before I could even finish the article. I have written and rewritten a statement over and over again these past five days. Then slept for 24 hours due to the fear of crossing someone who basically stole my youth. I have been carrying around the pain and trauma of Jonathan and his abuse for a decade now. I have gone so far as changing my name because in my mind he owned it and I could not look at that name without seeing him. Everything in Emily’s article felt so familiar, it felt as if he was there standing behind me as I read it with his body pressing into my back, daring me to challenge him. I have spent ten plus years emotionally tied to my abuser, unable to let him fully go because at seventeen he broke me down and built me back up into his own image, an image I have been at war with ever since. But for the first time I am able to publicly say, Jonathan Leder was my abuser and that is thanks to Emily Ratajkowski and her bravery. Emily, I am so sorry that this man hurt you. I wish I had the strength then to warn you. But you speaking out has already helped me in my own healing and for that I will be forever grateful. I am so unbelievably struck by your courage and your incredible ability to recount a truly harrowing moment in your life in such a thoughtful and insightful way. It is your strength that has inspired me to share with everyone that I am the “Crazy Actress” Jonathan Leder spoke about that night. I am sad that during my friendship with Emily we were too afraid to share our abuse and it is just another demonstration of the long-lasting hold someone can have on you when they’re in a position of power. However, I am so grateful that we are moving into a space where men are being held accountable for their predatory and damaging behaviour. It’s women like you Em that give us all strength to tell our own stories. The last five days have brought up old wounds and a lot of pain which will hopefully lead to an enormous amount of healing. Thank you Emily.

A post shared by Nola Palmer (@nolanonsense) on Sep 21, 2020 at 6:46am PDT